My 1st Hammam (Steam Bath)

Mara and I decided to head over the neighborhood Hammam this afternoon after a hot and dusty day walking around the Moroccan desert.  Girls in one door, boys in the other.  10 DH fee ($1.20) and you're in (for the experience of a lifetime!).   Wow!

A "guide" for the Hammam experience is called a "Kassal" (not a Taybeh like Mara's worthless guide book said).  I don't know what Taybeh translates too, but judging from the response it wasn't something nice.  My kassal looked like an African Jackie Chan. I guess standing in steam bath and beating people up all day makes you fit.  He spoke some French and I quickly learned the following 5 words in a one hour session.

1. C’est bon:  This is where I’m supposed to reply that it’s “very good” that he is torturing me.

2. Comme ca:  Like this.  As in I’m going to manipulate you spine into a pretzel, like this.

3. Asseyez vous:  Sit down.  I’m going to dump several buckets of cold water over your head.

4. Allonge vous: Stand up. I’m going to scrub you so hard with the mitt you’ll want to cry.

5. Voila:  Well done.  As in, well done you didn’t cry like a baby.

 

The mitt of death!

 

The Buddhists throw down a rigorous Thai massage. The Christians have baptisms. Muslims will give you both in a Hammam (AKA Turkish Bath) for the tidy sum of around 50 dirhams (6 US dollars).  It is essentially another 10 step process, with ludicrous amounts of water.  The guide book (once again worthless. Why have I been dragging this around?) stated that because Morocco is a desert country it is offensive to use too much water.  These are the same people that stated that Asians don't spit because they would be worried about "losing face".  Complete bull shit. 

1. Scrub down with fishy black oil. Smells bad, but gets the job done. Rinse.

2. Thai massage times ten. Full range of spinal manipulations in the hot room.

3. Scrub down with a rough mitt (Kese) in cool room:  They never touch your head or your privates. You do that yourself. Every other square inch gets scrubbed. And when I say scrubbed, I mean scrubbed, hard.

4. Hair Wash with the little spiny brush in the picture.  Feels nice.  Hot Rinse. 

5. Hair conditioning back in the cool room. Also nice.  Cold Rinse.

6. Lemon soap.  Full scrub down and lathering.  Made my eyes burn. Hot Rinse. 

7. Now, we're getting to spiritual part. Cold buckets of water dumped over head. 

8. The Kassal is done with his part.  Hang out in the cool room for a while and realize that you actually enjoyed the whole experience.  Notice how smooth your skin feels.

9. Bicker over price for a while.  This is an integral part of any Moroccan experience. 

10. Big smile.  Shokran! Merci Beaucoup!  Thank you! Right hand to heart your heart.